It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
