i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
