The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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