Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
