The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
