i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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