Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
