Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
