turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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