i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
