In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
