Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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