i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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