I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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