Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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