Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
