Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
