my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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