you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
