if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
