Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
