For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
