Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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