Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
