So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
