And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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