matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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