Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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