One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
