told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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