At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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