My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he thought i was a dude.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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