So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
