She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I FOUND THE LEGS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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