I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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