I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
