Do you still have your period?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
