She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
