mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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