I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
