words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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