there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
