im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize