I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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