Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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