you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
