guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
