fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
