There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
