i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
