yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
