You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
