I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
