I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
