i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
