So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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