I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
