dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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