I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
