Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
