how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
