the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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