I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize