I'm jealous of your bromance
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
