I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
