I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
