If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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