you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize